Thursday, May 29, 2014

More Doctor appointments really?

I went and met my new primary car doctor on Tuesday and he ordered some routine lab work.

I got a call this morning that my blood work showed my blood sugar was elevated (208) and the doctor wants me to come I and discuss this with him tomorrow.

UGhhhh I do not want to have a diagnosis of diabetes.... and even if he diagnosis it I am hopeful for the opportunity to work on my diet/nutrition to get things under control.

I have been eating too many hot wings, potatoes, chips, and bread.... I am a carbaholic and its not pretty... and tonight I am mourning the fact that the things I love to eat, are slowly killing me so maybe I should love them less.

Anyway, this could be the answer to some weird things that have been going on with me... and hopefully diet/exercise will be the solution.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Garden or no Garden

Thomas and I have discussed having a garden several times this year.  We have had one thing after another needed done other than a garden though.  Like a lawnmower, we have had issues with lawnmowers since the mowing season has begun.

Luckily I am with a genius of a man, who has got the lawnmower working!! :)

And on a spur of the moment after dinner today we decided to go ahead and get some plants to plant for our garden.

We bought 5 different tomato plants, a green pepper plant, a yellow squash and zucchini squash plant. 

Came home and mowed the grass, got the tomato cages ready and was fixing to till up the yard when there was an issue with the tiller... yep it wouldn't work.  My guy took it apart and cleaned up the parts and put it all back together and got it running, but it isn't running great.... we need a part for it. 

So for now the plants are not in the ground, but if we have to we will just dig up a spot for them since we didn't get that many.... we will have some fresh garden veggies in our own back yard this summer and that makes me HAPPY! :)

Friday, May 23, 2014

Brooke's Graduation

My sweet beautiful Niece Brooke graduated today and Thomas and I got to be there!!!

I am so proud of her and the young lady she is, and can't wait to see the awesomeness that she will continue to achieve.

She has and always will be extremely close to me and this goes back to early years when she was much like one of my own children.  I love her more than words would ever express and it makes me feel all sorts of emotions knowing she has reached this phase in her life already.

Here are photos from Graduation

Wishing her all the happiness on her journey.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Graduation for Keith

We went to Thomas' nephew Keith's Graduation tonight... I swear these kids are growing up entirely too fast!

I am so proud of him and the young man he is, he is smart, funny, polite, charming and handsome. 

I say this often to Thomas but he remind me of Justin Timberlake, he could be his twin. haha

It was a nice graduation ceremony and I wish nothing but wonderful things for him as he matures into and adult.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

A cause to celebrate!!!!!

After a long and very anxious wait... I finally got great news!!!!

Fibrocystic, benign!!!! 

WHEWWWW, I can breath again.

I repeat the ultrasound with Surgeon in 6 months.... and then again in another 6 months.... but then back to GYN for yearly screening.

Sooooo, guess these two lil' lumps are just going to be a part of me. As long as they aren't trying to kill me, I guess that will be ok.



Friday, May 16, 2014

The Surgeon and biopsy

I had my appointment with the surgeon on Thursday at 3:30pm, I sat in the waiting room discussing dogs and family with a very nice lady.  My support, my guy sat along with me.  We are both pretty concerned with where things are going anticipating this appointment that maybe we will find out more.

I can't forget that it's not just me going through this, he is going through it with me as we are each a part of each other and I can only imagine how he feels right now because if it was him that was awaiting such news I would be an absolute basket case.

I get called back in the office, my biggest fan (my guy) goes back with me, we don't wait in the room too long and the doctor comes in ask me a bunch of questions like when I noticed the lump, and had I had any injury to my breast ever, and I proceeded to show him that I am not just concerned about the breast but that I have this one lymph node/glad that seems to bother me often... he doesn't seem concerned about this, so in my mind now I just think that is nothing.

He proceeds to do my breast exam and says that he is going to do a ultrasound guided core biopsy of my this area of concern.  I said can you tell me anything else at this point? He said no, nothing but that there is a suspicious area.  So, I waited longer to find out nothing more entirely.

Go with his Nurse or assistant and she schedules me for the biopsy. They get me in Friday morning at 8am... yep the very next day. Pretty fast huh?

I go ahead and ask her if she could give me a copy of the report from the mammogram and ultrasound. She very nicely says yes, and prints me a copy from the computer (couldn't give me the copy that the doctors have written).

The report does not ease my concerns one bit, it actually confirms more fear.  I can handle the fear as I would still rather know what the doctors know and not just that its suspicious, I want to know what makes it suspicious.  At this point it really still could be anything and I understand that cancer is not diagnosed until after the biopsy results.  But, the report is blunt with knowledge that is pressing everything to happen.

They basically see two lobulated ovoid lesions in the upper outer right breast on the mammogram which again show up on the ultrasound, both lesions demonstrate blood flow.  They are both solid.  The breast tissue is dense.   These mass/lesions could represent enlarged lymph nodes, but these cannot be confirmed as benign lymph nodes.  The mammo also shows enlarged lymph node in my left breast which is benign-appearing.  The report has one statement that haunts me a bit "The findings are somewhat suspicious of malignancy".... and that is why I keep hearing the words suspicious from all the physicians.

So, I am a bit freaked at this point, thankful they are moving fast with the appointments because honestly the wait is like much worse than anyone who has never done this before could imagine.  I HATE THIS WAITING!

I went in this morning loaded with 1 valium for the procedure. It was over in just a few a minutes... everyone was super kind to me and as always my biggest fan was there waiting and worrying about me.  I have slept most of the day, not too much pain.  One thing they don't tell you about those core biopsies is there have this like vacuum type machine that somehow makes a drilling sound like the the dentist filling a cavity would, and its a bit freaky.

Now that this is done, I wait for results.  They have scheduled an appointment for Tuesday at 3:30  so now I just have to wait through the weekend and a busy payroll Monday and I will know my the results of my immediate future. 

Still could just be fibroids, or lymph nodes... but at this point in time I am expecting the worst, so when I hear its not what I suspect it is, it will simply be a time of celebration.  If hear the C word, then I can expect it, be prepared for it and not totally flip out.

So here I am again waiting it out!!!

Tomorrow will be busy as I am doing a 5K (probably walking, doctor said to take it easy)... and then will have to work for several hours as I am not working today and I mentioned earlier payroll is Monday, I am responsible for everyone in my office getting their check on time.... so... I do that tomorrow. 

Sunday may hold a long run and house cleaning.

Monday more finalizing payroll and catch up at work.... Tuesday work and then results.

Any other week these days would fly by so fast, but lately each passing day takes forever.


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Hurry up and wait

I was anticipating a report from my physician on the mammogram and ultrasound results... very anxiously awaiting these results. Why?

I felt I should hurry up and hear what they had to say but the problem is I learned absolutely nothing!!!

My doctor called and confirmed there are two suspicious places and now I need to proceed to the surgeon to decide what's next in the form of biopsy.

So, basically we hurried up just to wait longer.  Luckily they are getting me in quickly (Thursday afternoon).  So more to come.

No news is good news, I hope

I was told on Thursday that I would get the results of the Mammo/US on Monday.  So I waited the weekend, and waited out ALL DAY LONG yesterday and never received the call.  I called the office at 3:30 as just a reminder that "Hey, I am over here stressing, please let me know something!!!" They were placing a message for the doctor.. but nothing.

All I can say is I hope no news is good news.  Lumps are still there and concerning.  My cycle came out of the blue yesterday, no real warning unless you count my emotional breakdown over the weekend as part of it? I don't know. Maybe I am just hormonal.   Then I thought maybe the lumps were hormonal and just coming because of my cycle?  They are still there today (Tuesday).

Maybe its caffeine I have been told, I didn't have but one caffeinated drink all day today, one on Sunday, one and Saturday.... and honestly was only drinking about 2 a day leading up to this mess.

I am sick of trying to think of what could be, I mean I have turned every negative thought I come up with into a positive too many times to think about.  THIS IS PROBABLY NOTHING, but what if it isn't?

The not knowing is driving me crazy... making me crazier, however you want to look at it, I am crazy!!!

Surely I will find out something today, but I hope very hopeful, I didn't hear anything yesterday because it isn't a big enough deal to have found time to talk to me about it.

And, today I head out the door again not knowing, and waiting.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day 2014

I spent Saturday with Mom which was great.  We planted some trees/flowers in her garden, and we went to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings (her choice surprisingly).  It was a great day, we don't spend good days like that often enough.

Saturday night I went to a D-Tri party at my friend Ali's house, not many showed up but it made for a nice little party.  I am glad we went.  I drank a few more drinks than I do normally lol but it was a much needed release.  Unfortunately I fell asleep on Thomas probably by 9pm.

Sunday, I got up and got a long 10 mile run in with my friend Leigh Ann it was a much needed time with nature.  The humidity about killed me and I might have walked more than I ran... lol but I still got 10 miles... I love my running buddies, I wouldn't have got that done had it not been for Leigh Ann coming to run with me.

After the run I hurried to get ready to go to Cullman to meet Thomas' family for lunch.

Then came home and had a pretty emotional day for the most part.  I didn't get to see my daughter, she did call to wish me a Happy Mother's day but that broke my heart not getting to see her. I didn't get to my son until close to dinner time as he was at his Dad's and that was rough.

I got a beautiful card, but it could have been more special if it was signed.

I still don't know results from testing that was done Friday and that has me emotional.  Ultimately it was a rough day and the worst Mother's day ever.  I have had one or two more depressing Mother's Day's but this one topped the cake.

Maybe it's a holiday I need not celebrate anymore.  Or maybe I am just too much of a basket case this weekend.  I know I love my babies more than life and all I want is for them to be happy, I am proud to be their Mom. 

Friday, May 9, 2014

Even more concerned

Went for the mammogram today, and they did several images and followed with an ultra sound.  I have two lumps.  One I was told was solid or a thicker fluid and the other is "complex" not sure what that means exactly, but I don't like it.

I wait until Monday to find out actual results of these tests when my doctor reviews the radiologist report and notifies me.  This is going to be a LONG WEEKEND!!

Luckily it's Mother's Day weekend. I am going to take my mom her gift and spend some time with her tomorrow.  Then, I have a party to go to Saturday night and Sunday a long run scheduled and to celebrate Cathy's Mother's Day and of course there is my own Mother's day... so maybe the weekend will not be so bad.

I am tired, going to relax and chill here at the house.

I did go shopping after the test results and used my birthday gift card and bought me some summer clothes.  Then, Thomas and I went to Mellow Mushroom for lunch.  So despite the concern and the rainy dreary day, its been good.... and guess what?? It's the weekend!!! WOOHOO!!!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

A little concerned

Well, the doctor agreed that my right breast is abnormal.  He referred to it as "thickening"... not sure if that is good or bad.  DON'T SEARCH THE INTERNET FOR PEACE OF MIND!!!

I am scheduled to have a mammogram in the morning.  There is an order for ultrasound if needed.  I am more than likely going to see a surgeon regardless of the results as a precaution/biopsy within a few weeks if symptoms do not improve sayeth the MD.

This will be my first mammogram, so that alone has me a bit nervous.  Then, there is the fear of the unknown, what could be and what could not be... its a bit weird.

Here is another thing, I have a couple of symptoms that are odd that have been occurring on my right side...same side as this issue... now I am wondering if they are all connected?  I made an appt with a new Primary care physician for the end of this month (I scheduled it two months ago)... I do not have a doctor... haven't had one in YEARS.  I made this appt because of the odd symptoms I have had.  I have a knot on my head that has been there for several years, I feel like I have lost some muscle strength in the right side of my upper body especially the neck muscles/tendons.  I have a weird itchy irritation that I feel in one of the glands under my chin that only happens occasionally but drives me INSANE when it happens. I also have had some palpitations out of the blue while doing absolutely nothing... and now I have a weird "thickening" of my right breast. 

My mind is probably playing tricks on me, and making things seems like they could be related and I will probably find out that everything is normal in a few days time.  I just hope I don't go insane in the mean time!

I am sure it is fine... just rambling on, I will wait and explain all the other symptoms to my primary care doctor in a couple of weeks because I am sure this test tomorrow is going to be fine.  And, this new doctor will be like "This girl is insane!". 

I have always had my health. I have been obese and now I am still over weight, but always been fairly healthy. I do not take daily medication, I have no diagnoses to carry around with me. I wear glasses for my vision, but other than nothing is being treated, which I feel is awesome and that I have been blessed.  Now, I can't help but think.... what the heck is going on with me? 

Anyway, this wondering/waiting doesn't do much for the thought process lol... it's time to keep the positive attitude.  It's all going to be fine.


Paranoid or serious

I went to change clothes last night and noticed a nice size knot on my right breast.  It's about the size of a walnut.  I have a knot on that side sometimes that comes with menstrual cycle and goes away, and this could be the same thing, but it seems a bit higher, and bigger than normal.  It is probably just some glandular thing and nothing to be worried about but I got a big freaked last night when I first noticed it.  I could cup my hand around it and felt like it was the size of my palm.  But, today it is much smaller... still the size of a walnut though.  Not sure if it was swollen yesterday or what? So that is why I am leaning toward a glandular thing or some cyst that might need to be drained, but today its more lumpy and hard and moves around some.  I have no idea what I have been feeling for when I check my breasts anyway, so figured now that something is differently different from the norm I need to get it checked out.

Called this morning and having an appt with the MD... I am writing this as I sit here waiting on that appt. 

I think of all the women who go through things such as breast cancer and the fears and the anxiety and the unknown and how they have to cope with all of these emotions and then they find out news and yet those emotions are still there even after they have more knowledge. 

Your health is such a valuable thing, I am more than likely fine as most women who find lumps in their breast are absolutely normal and benign instances.... but it still makes you stop and reflect on what matters most. 

I will post an update probably later tonight that says.... it was all just a hormonal glandular thing and nothing for me to get all worked up about.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

38

Wow, I am really pushing that big 4.0. 

My birthday was pleasant, my guy who is my biggest fan always manages to spoil me rotten!  He got me tickets to see Def Leppard!!! "Poor some sugar on me"!!!  I can not WAIT to have a blast in Nashville!!!

He also took me on my birthday and bought me some new clothes! :) and we had a nice dinner out at Buffalo wild wings where they had Wood Chuck hard cider on tap.... I have never had hard cider in draft form and it was delicious!!!!

My mom Cathy (Thomas' mom) Gave me a very nice gift, of a gift card to sports academy and a gift card to cracker barrel... yep I am spoiled by her too!!!

It was a great day!  I am not officially 2 years out from my goal... and I have to get busy!!!

Sooooo I bought myself the Betty Rocker Fuel system for trying to learn how to eat cleaner and healthier.... let's get this party started!!!