Saturday, February 16, 2013

RESPECT

"A child who is allowed to be disrespectful to his parents will not have true respect for anyone "

Which is why I will not be disrespected in my own home.  I love my kids so much it hurts.  I love them enough to give in when I shouldn't.  I love them enough to put their events, their lives a head of my own for 17 years and counting. I love them enough to work two jobs if I had to, to feed them. I love them enough for almost everything, but not disrespect.  

I earn my respect  being their sole provider all of their life. I earn my respect but respecting them. My respect is well earned in many aspects.  

So today, when my 14 year old 6'1" tall baby boy decided it was ok to stomp through the house and do nothing but bad mouth and disrespect me and say "no" he isn't going to do what I told him to do and how "unfair" I am, I decided that was enough.  I got two notifications from school this week 1. He called someone a name that was HORRIBLE!!! 2. He forged my name on two bad grades to try to get extra credit.  In his defense the kid he called the name was a friend and it was done so mutually only he got caught saying it, so it wasn't really to offend someone but it wasn't necessarily a joking thing to say anyway and highly disapprove of him saying it in any context.  And, the grads I did know about but he told he needed me to sign the papers while I was doing the dishes and he never brought the papers to me where I could actually sign them. That was his error, not mine.  That did not allow him to forge my signature.  All of that happening and he wanted to go to his friends today. I said ok, but you clean your room, and clean up the house (which he knows what this involves for me).  He picked up his room, and cleaned the kitchen counter, that was it.  I wanted a bit more done. I was gone to take his sister to her audition for a music scholarship and came home, he was gone to his friends. He came in to "check in" a few hours later which is what I make him do so I know he is alive and well.  Then he wanted to go back to his friends. I told him I was disappointed in what he had done but that I would let him go back, but he would have to clean more tomorrow.  I wanted him home by 6 pm it was then 2 pm.  He came home at 5:30, wanting to check in, and go back. It's freezing cold and he had no jacket on (he walks a half mile to his friends house)... I mentioned earlier he needed to bundle up... I said no its late you have been gone most of the day and you didn't clean well enough either.  

HE WENT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have a pretty bad temper myself, but keep from FIGHTING with my 14 year old son I called his Daddy and told him to come get him and that I wasn't having any child of my talk like that to me in my own house, he would respect me or he would live elsewhere.  I used this logic because many times he has threatened me that he was going to live with his daddy so this time I just said, go, get out of my house, because you will not disrespect me.

He is bad about blowing up like this and then apologizing. I explained during his outburst that apologizing was not going to work this time, HE would absolutely NOT talk to me in this maner again.  Period.  

My heart hurts over this because I have no idea what I am doing, unfortunately children do not come with manuals and I have NO IDEA what to do when they decide they are too big to listen and agree with their parents.  But, I know I will not feel intimidated by him as big as he is, so love him very much...and I feel he is better off living here with boundaries, and a stable environment with a mother who loves him unconditionally and wants him to reach for his full potential and see that the sky is the limit for him, yes I feel he is better off living with his me, his mother.  I hate that we are going through this, I love him so much it literally breaks my heart into pieces.  I do not want to go through this, but I know living with a child who has no respect for me will only make life hell, and honestly I can not do him any good. He respects his dad still, for reasons I am not sure as he is merely his best friend not much of a father, but its in his hands now. I told him I didn't want him back here if he wasn't prepared to respect me and my home.

This all sucks, it sucks so bad!!!!  I miss my sweet little baby boy. All I can do is sit and hope for the best.  UGH

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