Well my son came back from his dads, all was well until another blow up this morning. This is so frustrating!!!! He seems so spoiled, and disrespectful, it doesn't even seem like he is the same kid.
He has pretty much said some very hurtful comments to me today that I have been dwelling on a bit more then I usually let things get to me. I didn't make 36 years happy and healthy by dwelling on things. I am not a dweller. I see if there is something I can do to make things better, I see if there is something I should do to make me a better person, I see if there is something I can do help the situation in anyway and if not, then I say this too shall pass and I move on waiting for it to pass, I don't dwell. But, today I have been dwelling. He said "You don't do anything for and never really have". He said "You don't do anything to show me you love me". Those two comments are KILLING ME!!!!
He wants expensive clothes, electronics and such that I just can't afford to spend money on, he feels that because I might go spend money on this and that, why I can't I spend it on him. He doesn't consider all the money I spend on the family in general, and on him for the essentials as valuable expenses, those are ones I OWE HIM and I HAVE TO DO TO. I have never received consistent child support and honestly do the very best I can by my kids. I have two, not one. I have one that is graduating in a few months. I try to be fair on spending for both kids, but if one has a prom and the other doesn't then no I don't go buy the one that doesn't have a prom dress something of equal value because that one will eventually have a prom too... I would NEVER be able to spend the same on both kids at the same time. I provide for them the best I can. Thing like Christmas and Birthdays are always equal, but no I don't spoil them with finer things. They don't have smart phones... but they should have regular phones, he lost his phone and she dropped hers in water so right now neither of them have a phone... both of which are not my problems and I am saying they have to EARN their phones back or buy one themselves at this point. My daughter just purchased her a new one with her paycheck, and my son will get one as soon as he starts acting right, that's all he has to do is bring his grades up, not disrespect me, do his chores... that's it. I think its fair, he thinks I am ridiculous. I don't care if is Polo Ralph Lauren or Polo Assign... I honestly don't care about brand names, maybe its the way I was raised, but I DON'T CARE!!!! He is obsessed with the higher end stuff, and wants nothing but that when it comes to clothes, so no I don't buy him clothes anymore. He uses his birthday/christmas/earned money to buy them because I have been hoping he would see how ridiculously expensive it is and by spending his own money realize that its just a label, but he hasn't. I have bought him some clothes/shoes and such don't get me wrong but I rarely ever buy the expensive brands, because it's ridiculous. I can see having a few top dollar outfits but not refusing to wear anything other than those type things. It's just horrible the way he is, and he feels he is owed the finer things in life for some reason. I am a single mother who had my first child at 19 and barely have college degree who makes chump change and doesn't even get child support on regular basis ($80 a month if I am lucky), but he thinks he should have the finer things in life. Says thinks like "people in the getto have more expensive games and clothes than I do"... and he thinks I care?
I know the ages between 12-15 for a boy can be really trying years, I remember my brother going through those years (I could tell you some stories, but that is a different time... and the fact that he is a medical doctor he might not like me saying some of them haha). I really think some boys LOSE THEIR MINDS during these years. The Hormones are raging, emotions seem uncontrolled and life just seems unfair to them.
I understand this, I honestly do.
I do not know what to do. But, I know there are a few things I can do.
One is sit down with his daddy and come up with a plan that we both can stick to, and address his anger and disrespect. Sit down with his Dad and explain that we will not accept certain behaviors and their will be consequences given by both of us... I think one reason he talks to me like he does is he wants to just go to this dads and lives there but he knows that isn't the stable environment he needs so he pushes my buttons and tries to get the best of both worlds out of it. His Dad and I need to work together now since we have never really had issues like this with him I think we need to deal with them now together and get the issues solved.
All I can say is right now between my temper and his is GOD HELP US!