Tuesday, July 24, 2012

FEAR

I have fear for the swimming leg of the triathlon.  Why do I have fear? I couldn't go under without holding my nose just 8 weeks ago.

A running mentor of mine did her first triathlon recently and had to be pulled out of the open water swim due to an anxiety attack.  Since hearing of this I have even more fear!  I mean she can out run me, she is a strong woman and she had issues during the swim.  That freaks me out!

Even when I swim alone, I have issues with my breathing and feeling anxiety as if I can't get up for air quick enough.  I have said repeatedly that I am not a strong swimmer and this is very true.  I really need to learn how to relax in the water. I can feel it myself that I am in constant battle to stay in a floating state, and that fight leaves me exhausted after one lap of the pool.  Then I catch my breath and repeat.  Heaven forbid me actually be able to make the turn at the end and continue on to the other end.  I swear I am that bad at this swimming thing.  WHAT WAS I THINKING signing up for a triathlon that involves swimming!!! 

I always thought the sport was cool, I was always envious of the people who could just jump in a pool without even holding their nose.  I am serious!!! That has always amazed me! I still can't jump in without holding the nose. My fingers are forever fixed to the tip of my nose when it comes to jumping.  I have learned to swim without holding my nose though, and this has been a major accomplishment.  I guess I always wanted to be a better swimmer and I thought by signing up for a triathlon with plenty of time to practice, train and actually learn how to swim that I would become a swimmer.  Why not sign up, right?  

Today however I inhaled half of that swimming pool through my nose, I choked, gagged and spittled way too much.  My nose was burning at one point you know that feeling, it is almost agony while you stare hopelessly at the sun hoping for a big ol' sneeze!  

Then, after my swim I came home and tried to go on a run, my legs wouldn't work.  They just would not work! I ran one mile, actually I probably physically ran half a mile and walked half a mile.  They ache, they feel tired and exhausted. Could have been from the swim, could be from using muscles I don't usually use during boot camp... but whatever it is, it is scary knowing I only have a little over 3 weeks to train for this and I couldn't even push myself to run one more mile today?  I am so in over my head with this!!! But, I keep going, just keep moving forward and I hope to amaze myself when it is actually time for the race.  

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