Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Blah Blah Blah

Ok, if you have been around here lately you know my blog has had some changes, and then they are gone. I was going to create a blog about my training and have it as a page here, but decided that I don't write on this blog enough as it is and to complicate it for myself by breaking it up in sections makes no sense.

Also I have a case of the Blah's

I was going to run this morning, but couldn't make myself get up.  I was going to run/swim after work today but then couldn't make myself do that 1) it was storming and 2) the dreaded monthly time came today.  So I have decided to just scrap today and hope for a better one tomorrow.

Another reason for my blah's... my son tells me he wants to live with his dad.  He is 13 years old now so it is ultimately his decision but I think it is a horrible decision.  Not because his dad will mistreat him or anything because he will not, and he will have a lot of fun with him and his family.  But, because my son needs to be pushed. He has a gift.  A brilliant gift and he is capable of more than he gives himself credit for, he is super smart. I mean like super smart but never applies himself.  He is in honor classes because I push him for him to do the best he can, but he doesn't want to.  He wants to go to his dads, and breeze by with as little as possible.  I want more for him.  It hurts my soul deep down but what will happen will happen.  I will love him regardless and will always be his mom.  Right now though I am hurt, scared for him and frustrated.

Another reason, my daughter who is gorgeous, smart and a SENIOR (weep) who works her life away these days is driving me crazy!!!! She lost her phone, doesn't care.... she has no time for friends, doesn't seem to care.... she lives in a pig sty, doesn't care...... she ignores all responsibilities that I give her and things that I expect her to do, she doesn't care.  This case of the doesn't cares is bothering me.  One, it makes me concerned for her as to what is going on with her. Two, it makes me angry that she will disrespect me and will purposely ignore what it is I may ask her to do, like feed the animals?  This is bothering me.  This is bothering me A LOT!  I don't know if I should make her quit her job? Punish her? There is nothing to punish her with besides making her quit.  Take her to the doctor to see if she has more going on then she is letting me know like depression of some sort? Is it just laziness? Is it just defiance??? UGHHH Parenting just plain sucks sometimes.

I love my kids so much it hurts and they are wearing me out with worry these days.  I always heard teenage years were hard but never realized just how hard it is.

On even another blah note, my house is messy, my yard is messy and the clutter and messiness is making me feel like I am drowning and that is making me depressed.

On even another note, I have friggin' early clinic in the morning.

Now that I got all of that out, maybe I will feel a bit better.  Tomorrow is another day.

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