Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day

Well, I must be a big fat failure as a Mother.  I have two gorgeous children who are brilliant and healthy and I am very thankful for them, but neither of them seem to care enough about me to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. It is noon on this Mother's Day, I have taken my 17 year old daughter to work this morning and she never once mentioned it was Mother's day, and my 13 year old son is at his dads and will not be home until this evening but he hasn't bothered to pick up the phone to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. This wouldn't bother me so much because they are teenagers and I know how it is, but it bothers me horribly because it is not the first time this has happened, and come Father's day both of them jump to call their dads.  They live with me and I know they feel they can tell me Happy Mother's Day anytime because they will see me later,  I mean I am around them all the time. I feed them, buy their clothes, pay for their activities, teach them right from wrong and have felt that I have done a decent job with them until recently when they seem to have lost all respect for me and can't even acknowledge me on my special day.  I am sure this evening I will get a hug and a Happy Mother's Day wish from them both, but I guess its the feeling that I am the least of their priorities in their life when they have always been the most of mine.   I have heard all my life how rough teenagers are, but this last year I have felt the pain that the teenagers can bring a mother deeper than I could have ever imagined.  My heart is hurting because I feel that  my kids feel I have failed them and the sad thing is I can't go back for a re-do so where ever my failure has happened is done and I guess I have to live with it.  Hopefully when they get older and wiser they will realize the love I have for them and the pain and sacrifice that I have had to do the best by them that I knew how.  I started my journey as a mother at the wee age of 19.  Actually I turned 19 just 3 days before I had my beautiful little girl.  That beautiful girl is now 17 years old.  Only 2 years younger than I was when I had her. Maybe that's the problem. I devoted my younger years to them and now that they are older and more self sufficient I make them tend to their selves more and I am actually living my life for me.  I am exercising and taking care of me first, maybe they feel neglected by me now?  I don't know.  I am here every day for these children. I jump and do what they ask, or need me to do and I just don't feel the love in return.  It is kind of sad when I feel my Reuben loves me more than my own children do.  I am sure it's a phase, I am sure it will pass, I know what everyone always says, but I also know that no matter all of that, this hurts pretty hard right now.  I miss my babies so very much, their smiles, giggles, hugs and kisses.  It's all not the same and today I am feeling how grown up they are and how much they are running off and leaving me with their own life journeys and it pretty much sucks.

UPDATE: I am an idiot, it is now 5:30 pm and my daughter as soon as she got off work took me out to a wonderful dinner for my Mother's Day! That made my day!  She does love me!  My son on the other hand hasn't even contacted me at all. :(  I am a blessed lady though and I know they are children.  I am happy to be their mother.

UPDATE: My son came home at 6:50 right after a Tornado Warning just ended, with a beautiful Mother's Day card.

My babies are home safe and sound! I am happy

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