Friday, August 12, 2011

Just my crazy thoughts

I have not had my skates on in so long that I can't even remember. I bought $400 skates.  I love my new skates that I have only skated on like 5 times ever.  I loved going skating and improving and exercising and enjoyed it alot.  I did however not like falling on my ass. The first time was understandable as I was so unsteady and I possibly should have waited until I was 100% before getting back out there but the second time I fell I even with butt pads was so horrible.  I still have tenderness in my tailbone region when I move a certain way or get up a certain way and the first fall I had taken was in Jan 2011.... I mean geesh!  I do feel that derby is not for me although I love the sport and watching those bad ass girls out there.  I feel I am either a wimp, or such a clutsy skater that I don't need to try to do anything other than skate around a circle haha. But! I can do that! I don't know why I haven't.  But basically I have taken off the whole summer.  I really never intended on quiting my goal of being a bad ass derby girl but my work schedule was really starting to hinder me making it to practice (being on call and having early mornings and such).  Plus, the tailbone placing a fear in me that I couldn't seem to shake.   I quit.  Just poof, worked hard to start something, get somewhere and just poof Quit! I hate feeling like a quitter. 

I seem to have let myself down lately.  My motivation to do something, have an accomplishment has left me.  My mood has been more on the negative side instead of the positive which is really not like my character at all.   I really need to evaluate my laziness and get busy.  I have such added stress with my job, the kids, the home, the dogs (yeah I know this shouldn't stress me but puppies are difficult especially if they are sick!), the bills... that it is super hard to tend to myself and my own goals and achievements.

Now to be positive. I have already at 35 years old accomplished so much!  I should pat myself on the back and hold my head up high despite my failures the last year and just admit that I am human and only one person.  I can only do so much.  But, I could do more than I do now because I know areas that I am slacking in.  Those slackers actually add more stress to my life.  The laundry isn't getting done because I am busy watching my favorite TV show.  The dog isn't getting potty trained because I am busy watching my favorite TV show.... I remember a time in my life when I didn't watch TV...... and now I am all about my TV shows.  I do enjoy them and see nothing wrong with them as long as I am fitting time in my life for myself, my goals and to help my stress level.  SOOOOOOOOO..... I can positively say that I can fix all the bad in my life, and that is a blessing to be able to say. There are those who suffer far more than I can even imagine and my life is just that, my life.  I hold the key to my success and happiness. :) 

I think I am going to go skating soon, I think I am going to read a book just for fun again, I think I am going to do some studying, I think I am going to walk my dogs more, I think I am going to get a better handle on my responsibilities as a mother, lover, pet owner and homeowner.... and I think that I do all of this by simply keeping my priorities in perspective. 

Happy Friday everyone!

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