Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The dreaded day has come

My son wants to live with his dad.  I am still processing this.  I am terribly sad and heartbroken over this and don't know how I will get through it.  I hope he is just venting and talking and never really does it.  But, I wont change my rules and ways of raising my children to please him, I feel he needs guidance... routine.... structure and to be pushed in the right directions as far as grades and responsibilities. 

He is my baby, I love him beyond words and it hurts my heart so bad that he wants to do this.  I told him he had to finish out this school semester since there are only 3 weeks of school left.  He spoke with his Dad and then I did,  his dad has to get him enrolled in school there, new friends, new school everything.... his dad has to have health insurance on him and his dad has to grow up and be much more responsible himself to be able to care for him full time.  I pray for them both.  I am scared to death! Not for the present so much as for the future.  Who my son will be.  How this change will dramatically change him? My fear has validation, and I hope he will change his mind. 

Guess we will see how it all plays out.  Who  knows it might be fun to have him every other weekend and get to do fun things with him and not have to push so many responsibilities and just enjoy him his weekends with me? But, I doubt that will ever be enough to make my heart happy.  I will miss him terribly and sure hope, I pray, beg and plead with anyone who will listen to make him change his mind.  But, I wont beg and plead with him. I simply say I think he is making a mistake, he is right he is old enough to legally make the decision of who he wants to live with and I am terribly sorry he feels like he would be happier there but I will not stand in his way of what happiness he is trying to find. GOD parenting is so hard! 

I have to get busy at work, I am crying uncontrollably now... children can rip your heart to pieces with never even knowing it, and I now feel sorry for my own parents and my own decisions through out my life.

Please pray for me....better yet.... pray for my son!

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