Wednesday, August 18, 2010

One more thing

Wow, if one more thing happens this week, ughhhh.

Washer is screwed up... being an out right bitch.  Its a front loading washer and if the door is not locked it will not wash clothes.  The door will be locked and load will start washing and then in the middle of a cycle will say the door is opened even though it is not... and stop.  Which means it will not drain/spin the clothes.  It will if I go in there and tell it to do just that to the load, but who has time to do that every load of laundry? NOT ME! I called the repair man and he is suppose to come look at it on Friday... hopefully he fixes it, not only that but I found something has been recalled on my washer that I have to address next... first things first.

My car has a mysterious puddle in the back seat passenger side floorboard and just under the passenger side front seat, but not in the front floorboard.  (Is floorboard one word or two? lol anybody?)  Anyway, this has me puzzled and concerned.  My man is looking into the problem and I have faith in the fact that he will pull through for me and figure it out, rather he can fix it or he will at least pin point the problem so we can go from there.

That being said Heather got their plane tickets for Pompano Beach Florida, and I plan to get ours this weekend so that is positive, even though my world is being surrounded by negatives.  Things are still looking up.

I love my life.

I shaved my dog, actually I butchered him up pretty bad lol but he had horrible tangles/knots in his hair that I could not get out and out of frustration (same thing I do to my own hair) lol I chopped it all off.  He looks soooooo pittyful, but he seems to like it and he so soft and still so loveable.  His hair will grow back, until then he looks like an abused dog.... I assure you he is loved more than any dog I have ever seen and spoiled rotten... so if you see my dog... don't laugh cause I don't want to give him a complex... its all my fault! :)

Plans for the weekend?......Leah's Baby shower is Saturday, Kids are gone to their dads.... I will have laundry to do (rather its with my bitch of a machine or the laundry mat either way it will have to be done).  Hopefully Thomas and I can find some time for some fun and relaxation.  I need to study too... as I haven't given up hope on my Certificates.... just haven't worked hard on it.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Getting my groove back

I am so getting my groove back on....I knew it was just a lull in life the past month or so.  It feels damn good to be feeling like myself again.

My mood has improved, I am much more chipper and optimistic.

My kids are still my kids, even though I may not be the best parent and they may not be the best children, they are mine and I love the hell out of them.  I set new house rules (for the 6th or 20th time lol) and plan on making my life easier in the process of these new rules, I just have to stick to them!!

I love my man, he has his flaws as I have mine and no one is perfect but I am madly deeply and passionately in love with him!  He puts up with my crazy shenanigans all the time, up one moment and down the next, screaming happily one moment and in tears the next, the roller coaster that is my life, and he loves me despite my craziness.  That is hard to find in someone.... the ones that love you when you look your worst, and heaven forbid even act your worst.  He loves me and I know this, and I love him, and though life is full of limes we make really good margaritas with them (haha changed lemons and lemonade, so silly am I).

Life is good.  My job is crazy... I enjoy it.  I have been working by myself for over a month now and its kinda nice.  When they hire someone in to help out I wont know what to do with myself.

I am so looking forward to our trip in December, I hope to purchase the plane tickets this weekend and get that under way. 

The next thing after the plane tickets purchasing is to get Desmond's room done up for his birthday, and I would really love to take him to see the braves play a game on the weekend of his birthday.... I may try to make that all happen but who knows if I can pull it off.

Then, there will Halloween, Alabama football, Thomas' birthday all in the next few months.

Whew... I get tired just thinking about it.

Next thing on my agenda is simply planning myself better.  No one wants to live on a schedule all the time but I am thinking I need to make myself one.  One that includes stupid little things like plucking my damn eye brows, honestly they look horrible and I have noticed it several morning when I am in a hurry to go but never think about it when I may have time to do it.  I really need a plan in life, not for future so much as for the present. I can sit down sometimes straight from work and never get out of my chair lol watching the tube sometimes its something I enjoy and other times its just noise and me dozing off and on the entire time when I could be accomplishing something else.  SOOOOOOOOOOOO

I want to make a schedule for myself.  I have to do my chores when I get home from work, then take the dog for a walk in the morning or at night or both, then make time to schedule a meal plan and buy groceries for the family, time for reading some books that I might be interested in and time for studying for A+ test.  Time to shave my legs, do my nails, pluck my eyebrows.  I could easily do all those things on a regular bases and still have time to spend with my man cuddled up in the chair together watching a movie or some of our favorite shows together.  I have  tried to be a movie buff... even started a review blog on all the movies we watch, that lapsed because there isn't enough time and my heart is just not in it.  I enjoy watching tv and movies but that needs to be pushed down further on my list.  Thomas doesn't mind if I do anything I want to do, the kids do things much more on their own and I actually have time of my own now.  Honestly I have had this time of my own for years but never made much use of it, because I wasn't use to having it and now that I do its almost wasted away. 

I gripe about the house work but the truth is I don't do what I need to do to keep it up, if only I would devote an hour a day and a couple on the weekends the house would always be just like I want it.... after me staying on some people about some clutter that is lol.  I came home yesterday and never touched the laundry which I had planned on, never straightened up the bedroom which I worked so hard to clean and I had planned to straighten it up again, never did a lot of the things I planned because I sat down and got lazy.  It was my early night so I went to bed early and lost some time there, but I was falling asleep watching tv before I even went to bed. I might not have fallen asleep had I done some chores and those chores wouldn't be on my mind today, they would be history.  Blah.  This is why I need a schedule.

I am going to make me one and try really hard to stick with it.

Anyway, I am still working on me as I will most likely always be a work in progress,  but I feel better. I have even lost a few pounds which makes me happy. I have just over 100 days until my trip so I really  need to buckle down on that goal too as I am such a major slacker these days.  I am considering throwing away Thomas' chair as it is falling apart anyway and letting him have mine to free up space in the living room and get my fat ass out of the chair every day.  I can keep my computer in the bedroom, and setup an area there to work on menus for the week, studying for my A+, get the kindle out and photo books and just spend x amount of hours in there each week working on what things I have been wanting to do.  This might give Thomas some breathing room, or he may decide he wants to work on something he has been wanting to do, he wants to fix the stang and talks about working on the old jeep to make it a rock crawler, he always has projects and miscellaneous things he does.  He gets much more accomplished than I do most times, but I am going to work on this!  Yes, as I typed this I have a great idea, I think moving myself to the bedroom, and getting rid of my chair in the living room may be a great move.  I can always sit with Thomas when we watch tv or a flick, and that gives us cuddling time.  

See problem solving even typing on my blog... I swear my mind is always jumping around and it will be so nice to have time allotted for my brain to work and focus on one thing at a time. :)

Life is good, no its grand!  I am a very blessed woman.

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Nightmare that is the 1st day of school

Wow, what a freaking crazy ass morning.  Yes, this morning was the kiddos first day back to school.  Destiny a Sophomore in High School and Desmond  a 6th Grader in Middle school, this day should be less stressful as they have been doing this for many years and are practically pros at it.

Well, yesterday we decided to go on a family day trip to Little Canyon River and see the scenery that mother nature offers us and spend the day together.  We had nice meals out and saw breath taking beauty.

Unfortunately, I had not bought school supplies and by the time we stopped for supplies and drove home it was 10 pm before we got home.  I managed to go through and label all the supplies, do all the forms for school, get their checks made out and all items sorted, but it was late.  The kids were in bed by 11 pm regardless, and I know its a late night for the first day of school but we were trying to end their summer with a bang so to speak. 

I say several times, make sure you have your clothes you want to wear and everything together last night.

This morning, I get the kids up, they are getting ready... by the time I get moving and decide that I HAVE to get ready they are both still in the process of getting ready (45 minutes later).   Destiny is making good time as she has fixed her hair and make up already she only has to get dressed, she was dressed and sitting in the living room ready to go by the time I said to be ready (Kudos for her!!!! :) )

Desmond on the other hand, has old raggy looking shorts on, a shirt from last school year that is all faded out and is trying to wear his old sneakers that even have the sole coming undone at the toe.  I look at him and immediately try to bite my tongue, but no matter how hard I try I just can't help myself.  I start bitching, "what are you wearing? Where are your new shoes? you new clothes?"  He proceeds with "I don't want to wear the new clothes these are fine",  I say "You look like a hobo" which is one of my favorite things to say to him because he has always dressed like such a slouch.  The child has nice clothes that I spend good money on, but he wears old faded out clothes.  Well, I proceeded with my fit I was pitching " You are NOT wearing those shoes, and you will absolutely change shirts".  He does change shirts but refuses to wear his new shoes (HE PICKED THE SHOES OUT BTW) and doesn't want to wear them.  The shirt he changes to is still not new, but nicer and not as faded as the one he had on.  The shoes are more than likely too small because they are old and his foot has definitely grew this I asked "Do those shoes even fit you?" and he decides to raise his voice "YES MOM! THEY DO!".  Well if the battle of clothes wasn't enough, I realize he is scrambling to work on school work that he had told me was done.  I had found out yesterday that he never read one of his books that was purchased the beginning of summer that he was suppose to read as an assignment for Honors Language, and not only that  but he hadn't done his Summer work for Math either.  That being said, he is not going to make it long this school year without some major changes.

I know he is growing up, and because he is my baby maybe I babied him too much, but if someone was going to make fun of me (be it my size, my clothes or anything) I would rather be wearing nice clothes than old raggedy ones.

Well we get in the car and he said I can get this done in five minutes (talking about his summer assignment that I thought was finished a month ago).  I said "I am not waiting 5 minutes, you face the consequences it wasn't my assignment and Destiny and I wont suffer being late even five minutes for you because you were too lazy to get your responsibilities done for the summer".   He announces  " I wish I could just live with my daddy, I just want to pack my bags up and move and never come back here! ".  I said "Fine, we will pack your bags up and see how well your daddy does with your laziness, OHHHHHHHH wait he wont care if you ever amount to anything because he will be too busy being your friend to tell you your teeth are nasty and you need to brush them, or to make sure you don't wear worn out clothes on your first day to middle school, or to make sure you have any responsibilities like cleaning up after a pet or cleaning your bedroom or heaven forbid doing your homework!" (big breath)  "Do you really think you will ever grow up living with him? or will you be 36 years old and still living at home with your mother and not supporting your only child?" 

"Ok, maybe I was way over the top with him, and what a fucking horrible way to start your first day of school, but its hard on me when I work so hard to buy nice clothes, and ask numerous times "have you read your book?", "Are your summer assignments completed?" and I constantly have to ask "Did you brush your teeth?" (Which is uberly ridiculous because he is 11 years and has had 11 years of practice to remember to do this twice or more times a day, but yes, I have to ask because you will be amazed at how many times he says "OOps I forgot".    It has broken my heart this morning that I can't be that super duper parent that wears the apron and talks all sweet to her children all the time, instead I am the evil bitch that no one really wants to be around.  But,  I can't talk nice when a child as old as him spent his whole summer doing whatever he wanted and never took care of his responsibilities.  What a way to start the school year off. 

I did say when he got out of the car "I am sorry your first day of school has started off so bad, I know you are excited and nervous about it and you will do just fine, just be yourself and remember I do love you, we just have to work on some things and you have a lot of growing up to do because you are in big boy school now."  He just did his head down at me, and I said "I hope you have a good rest of the day and good luck, I LOVE YOU" he said "I love you too, thank you".

I remember a few morning I was all on Destiny, its always one or the other, we hardly ever have a peaceful morning around my house.  But we are always on time and in one piece thankfully we don't kill each other.  I know he needed more sleep last night, I know I should have actually asked him to show me the assignment he was suppose to do over the summer and maybe quizzed him on the books before the day before school started, but he was asked about them both several times over the course of the summer.  He even took the items to his Dad's for the month he spent there and still didn't do anything so you know what HIS DADDY IS TO BLAME TOO!  

I will get order back in the house, routines back in place, and go through his clothes and get rid of all the items I don't want him to wearing to school so he wont have them to choose from! lol That is how I roll.  I have slacked and should have already done these things.

I love my children very much, I am very proud of them.  I am working on our relationship as they have changed and grew up on me, and I have to get to know the new people they are.   I miss my relationship with them, and hope to improve things in a whole with the family.