Thursday, July 15, 2010

Now not so good

Well, I haven't complained too much lately so its time for rant.

My kids have forsaken me.  Its as though they don't even love me at all.  I do things for them, take them places, buy them clothes, pay for their extra activities, Destiny has a cell phone she does no work to earn whatsoever.... I tell them to do some chores and they both take off to their dads.  My son has been at his dads and rarely calls me, when he use to call me all the time and never be able to stay the whole month.  My daughter would still be at her dads if it wasn't for an activity with a sorority that she wants to join.  She does nothing all day long, including she doesn't watch the dog.... she lets him piss and shit and leaves it for when I get home, (now that is bad).... I take him out, and clean up his accidents as soon as they happen, so it is really frustrating to see the mess after coming home from work.  She lets him chew on things, he is a puppy!!! I put him in the kitchen/dining room area when I am away, I do it if I am going to walmart for an hour or to work for 8 hours.  I lock him in there while  I sleep at night because I don't want him getting a hold of important things.  She comes home for a week, and while I am at work and she is paying the dog no attention but letting him run loose he has chewed up her cell phone cord, and my computer cord (to a non working existence).    It pisses me off that when you ask or say something she is always like what? I didn't do it? Its not my fault the dog chews stuff.... but the truth is IT IS YOUR FAULT.  YOU LET HIM OUT AND DON'T WATCH HIM.  Leave him locked up if you are too damn lazy to care for a dog.  She wants money for this and that, hell she is planning on me buying a car for her but she does NOTHING for me.  She picks up 10 minutes before I walk in the door and calls that cleaning the house.  I have had it, absolutely had it.  I feel they both would rather live with their dads, the dads that DO NOTHING FOR THEM. No child support, no school supplies, no school activities, NOTHING but spoil them by not making them have chores and letting them do what they want when they are there.  Parts of me feels like they should go live with them long enough to get a taste of what that would really be like and realize all the things I do for them, and love that I give them, even though I make them work.  Most people don't bitch about their kids..... but kids can be so disrespectful now days.  I am understanding the heartache that comes along with having teenagers, and it sucks. 

My heart is broken.  My home is sometimes filled with so much negativity and I had being negative and being surrounded by negative thoughts and attitudes. 

My new plan, don't ask for me anything unless you have done something to deserve it.  I will keep the cell phone until it is earned back, I will buy only the essentials needed until you have earned more, and  I will not tolerate negativity in the home, that goes for everyone including myself.  If I have nothing nice to say or not a nice comment to make, and all I have to say is a compliant or negative comment, I will keep that to myself    to try to restore some positivity in the home. 

I have been in a great mood with the exercise and spending time with Thomas and having this new found "step" in my life, and I don't want to rain on that parade, but as anyone I have issues to deal with in the home still and even though life is good it is not perfect (who's is anyway right?). 

I hope things get better between the kids and I, I love them more than my own life and being... but I have never let their dads run over me, any man for that matter, never let my boss or even my own family take advantage and run all over me, and I will not let my children that to  me either.   Never thought in a million thoughts that my children would ever make me feel so unloved, unappreciated and just out right shitty.  This too shall pass, and hopefully my relationship with my children survive this.

I saw a girl the other day with her boyfriend she had to be no more than 14 years kissing and holding hands.  I am sorry that I find it distasteful to allow a child of that age to carry herself in such a manner, my rules and guidelines and expectation are plenty I know this, I only want what is best for my children... nothing more and nothing less.  As long as I am responsible for them I will always want them to strive to be the best they can in school, in behavior, in character and overall just in themselves.


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