Sunday, March 7, 2010

Deadbeat Dads

Destiny's dad has not supported her for the 14 almost 15 years she has existed. He is a grown man with a wife and 4 children who still lives at home with his mother. 

My rant today is addressed to both sperm donors but here is a special situation:
Desmond's dad is ridiculous.  Why I want to make this post at all today is because of the events that have taken place recently involving him.
A few weeks ago he called and said he couldn't get Desmond until Saturday even though he is suppose to get him on Friday nights.  He gave no reason and he really upset Desmond.  Desmond felt his dad just wanted to have fun without him and didn't want to get him.  Don't hurt my boy.... I will hurt you.  I am tired of his daddy doing stupid little things that are bothering Desmond. I am glad though in that same since that Desmond is finally starting to see how he is and who is there for him. 
This Friday  his dad was suppose to pick him up. He called and Desmond told him to pick him up at 7 instead of 4 pm because he had baseball practice. Instead of him doing this he said he would just pick him up for his practice on Saturday at 1:30 (do you see the lost hours here?).  Well we got the emergency call that Mark was invovled in an accident and we were headed to CCU in Mississippi somewhere and it was 9 pm when I called his dad and said "is there anyway you can come get Desmond now?" I explained the accident and that we had to be leaving and he said he couldn't do it.  Then he called back and said he could meet me in Priceville.... which was out of the generally direction we were to be traveling.  By this time I was pissed and didn't want him to get Desmond because he didn't jump when I needed help with his son.... and I can tell you that NEVER have I called him in a time of crisis such as this and asked him to get his son... not to mention on his own damn weekend he was suppose to have him!

Poor Desmond suffered through sleeping in a waiting room and a trip from hell there that night and back, no kid his age should have to do this shit!

I called Kevin on the ride back home and said I will have him home in time for his practice so we could continue as planned because I had no sleep all night and I would be sleeping while he was at practice.  Kevin agreed he would pick him and take him as planned.

THEN!  He called me back and had the nerve to tell me he would come take him for practice but that he wouldn't take him home on Saturday because he didn't have money for gas to drive back on Sunday.


Thomas and I had plans to see the Wizard of Oz and Desmond would have been home alone as his sister was at her sperm donors house this weekend and Desmond was suppose to be at his.  Plus, Desmond was wanting to go and spend time with his dad!

So Thomas and I offered to give the man gas money so he may spend time with his child this weekend.  I sent Desmond to practice with  20 bucks gas money to give his dad so his daddy could take care of him on this weekend.  Luckily Kevin lives with his mom and dad so Desmond will be fed and seen to by them because as it is doesn't seem Kevin could even feed our son for the weekend he had him.

I understand everyone has it rough sometimes and if it was just a rough time for him I wouldn't be venting and bitching about it here.  But this man will not do anything to better himself.  He will not work a real job, and if he does get one he loses it or quits it like they are easy to come by or something. He can work at McDonalds for all I care, he should be doing something and not whining and feeling sorry for himself!

I lost my job 2 weeks before Christmas and I can tell you since I lost my job and before then I have not received one dime from his dad for child support to just to help me out through my rough time.  I did not beg and borrow from family and didn't even have to take much money from my sweet little man who was more than willing to help me if I needed it.  I manged my money wisely, filed my taxes and used my income tax return and busted my ass trying to find a job to get back to work.  Which I did! It took me three long months of no income and in that three long months neither of my children's sperm donors helped me or asked if I even needed anything, no child support no nothing!

I just received my first pay check for only 4 days of work on Friday, and even though I have struggled to make it and I had to fork out money to sign Desmond up for baseball, and buy him his supplies and pay for his uniform and all of that.... even though all of that happened I gave his damn dad 20 bucks for gas to get my son home from his house this weekend.

Why the hell I wound up with two deadbeat dads I will never understand. Hell one child support for one kid would help me greatly.

Thomas is my support and of course he pays for bills around and stuff, but I don't generally go to him to help me with them. Although he offers. He bought Desmond his helmet this year because he needed a new one.  He has bought each of them clothes when they are in need and helped me out too much.  I don't feel I should have to get his help (even though he doesn't mind). I try hard as hell to do everything for him on my own and I do accomplish it mostly that way. If I got child support I could only imagine the fun the kids would get to have. Vacations, movies, nice clothes, more after school activites and less of mom saying "No baby I am sorry I can't afford it". I make good money and I am capable of taking care of my children and I am not too good to go work at McDonald's or somewhere just to keep my children fed and clothed and a roof over their head. Had I not found a job in a few more weeks (when all my resources were depleated) I would have done just that, worked wherever I needed to. 

How can these people call themselves dads and how can they want to appear so weak and useless to their children? I pride myself and showing them good character and how you have to work for what you get in life and little bit work never hurt anyone!!!!! 

Damn lazy ass pittyful, useless, stupid men.  Here is a letter I want to write addressed as follows:

To the two deadbeat sperm donors of my marvelous children:

You are sperm donors and absolutely, positively nothing more! MY children may not know it or see it just yet and I wont sit and diminish you to them, I wont tell them how lousy you are and how they could have more if you were doing your part, I wont be the bad guy shooting their dad that they love down all the time, No, I wont be the one to help them realize just the type person you are.  My children will see it with their own eyes. My children will feel it in their own hearts.  My children will realize who is there for them and who loves them more than anything or anyone else in the whole world. My children will grow to be intellegent, adults with good character and skill set with the ability to work and care for their family. My children will never be like you. Because my children will see who you are and how both of you live with your parents and are both grown men, one of you even has a wife and children but yet you can't take care of them and live with your mother? My children already see things that are not right, they already feel the neglect that you have done and continue to do to them and they deserve such better than you. You are both horrible fathers and should not have the priviledge of calling these two wonderful, loving people your child because you suck so terribly bad.  You better take their love that they choose to give you now and cherish it because your actions make you at risk of losing their affection toward you as they are growing up and maturing you are not appearing to them in the same vision they had at one time seen you in. They eyes are more focused and they notice these things now on their own. You can never blame me for the fact that Destiny will soon decide she doesn't want to come to your house every other weekend because she wants to have her friends and get a job and do things with the people who care for her and do things with her.  You can never blame me when Desmond decides he rather stay home and with his friends then go spend a few hours with his dad because of all the weekends his dad chose to do the same.  I am not the blame of your relationship with your child what you have done and continue to do to them is what shapes your relationships with them.

Thomas is a much better dad to them then either of you. He makes rules and makes them mind, he makes them work for things, and he doesn't take crap off of them.  This makes him not as loveable to the children. They view him as not their dad and how their dad lets them do anything when he is with them, they see things toward Thomas as negatives because he is not their real dad, but I am seeing and will continue to see their bond grow more. Them come to Thomas for help and assistance with projects and tasks because they know their own dad is too stupid or wont take time for them to help them.  They are seeing where Thomas buys them a dress or helmet or something that is needed when mom didn't have the money. They are seeing that I gave you gas money so that you wont neglect your son this weekend. Oh yes, these things and many many more are noticed and not that you have to spoil them, but they see who is there and who provides for them the essentials in material as well as character building things for them.  We will reap a reward for our hard work and the efforts we have made with them, that reward will be love and affection from two of the best people in the world.

When Destiny walks down the isle at graduation and they say the parents of Tonya and Thomas and  your name is not mentioned at all, don't you dare say a thing to her or me, you are not a parent.... you are sperm donor!

When Desmond is hitting home runs and playing ball so well and  you decide to show up to the game, don't you dare say "that's my son" because you have not earned that honor, and I would hate to shoot you down in front of the world by calling you out and saying since that's your son when was the last time you gave support to him? When did I see you go spend time with him playing ball?  Didn't I ask you one weekend to take him to the batting cages but you couldn't find time to do so?  What about the time I asked you to take him to get a hair cut but you couldn't seem to manage that?  Don't you generally do something for YOUR children? I don't think you have that right to consider him your boy since I don't recall a single thing you have went out of your way to do for him. The simple tasks I just mentioned seem like impossible missions for you, how do you consider yourself his father?  The only thing you did was donate sperm.

You both suck, I am tired of arguing and fighting and courts and such you haven't been in front of a judge now in 10 years.  I raise these children with the help of Thomas for last 8 years and they are our kids. You have priviledges that are out of my hands as you are the sperm donors but from here own out any priviledge you may be honored with that I am aware of as far as the children are concerned will be awarded to Thomas. He will be listed as father on all their school papers instead of me saying NA since you are not applicable to be their father.  He will be acknowledged when they accomplish something and the opportunity arises for us to be honoroed as their parents it will be us, you will not exsist!

I despise you and no longer have pitty or feel sorry for your lack of efforts.  You have missed out on so much and it is not because we are not together, it is simply because of the choices you have made. 

That's all.

The wonderful caring mother of your sperm,

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