Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Domesticated

Although it has been many years since I have found myself without a job, and I am worried about my future, I wanted to take the time to say Ahhhhh.

It feels good actually. I am worried, and I know I have to find something. But this..... feels good.

Should I feel ashamed for feeling like it feels good? I mean I don't know what I will be doing for income come January the new year holds nothing but fear for me. I am blessed to have a man that is totally supportive of me and he believes in me and knows that I am capable of finding a job and I myself know this. The economy is my biggest fear, folks are not hiring... they are firing! So I have fear inside me but also feel a sense of ahhh.

I got up this morning, took the children to school, came home started laundry, folded and hung clothes. I actually took the time to iron my lovely man's shirts which I never do for him! I ironed like 10 shirts and while doing so felt like it felt so good to do something like that for him. I never do those things because by the time I work all day, come home and figure out dinner and cook it or do the dishes and start some laundry I do good to get the damn laundry in a basket to BE folded much less folded/hung or heaven's to Betsy IRONED. I have never been that domesticated. Never had the opportunity really. Now this is a bad time, but it feels good to know I have some time to tend to the house and maybe even the family in ways I never feel up to.

I do agree managing a home, with groceries, meals, shopping, clothes, laundry, dusting, washing, running errands, paying the bills..... oh I believe it is a full time job. The fact that I never have had the opportunity to be a SAHM, has not ever meant much to me. I mean it would be nice not to have to report into duty at a certain time every day, and be on your own schedule so to speak to get the chores and errands done. It would be nice to be able to STAY ON TOP of all the household needs and children needs and oh my even my MAN HAS NEEDS that just seem like a joy to meet as not feeling tired and drained and overly stressed. It would be nice and that feeling has crossed my mind but never would I say I was totally envious of it. Now, I am.

I will find a job and life will go on. But for this moment. I am a domestic engineer. I have given myself a job! lol I will clean the house, take care of the family, and handle all the needs that arise. I will get Christmas shopping, and wrapping done so as to not have to wait to the very last minute as usual. All the while doing these things I will continue to look for work. But for this moment. I will enjoy this job as it seems very rewarding. I don't wish to be home after the holidays I wish to have a job, but I think of all the creative things I could do, and time I could spend doing things that I would enjoy....but never have the time to even really THINK about. The next few weeks I will make the most of this job that I am still blessed with, because when you think of it I have actually been trying to do two full time jobs, and the one that suffered was this SAHM job its like it only got part time attention.

I am overwhelmed still as if you look at my house it is still an ubber mess. Its not in anyway evidence of my being home. But this is only my second day home. Give me this week and this house will be rocking! After it is though, will I be bored?
Either way bored or enjoying the hell out of it and being creative and involved more in my family I have to work and I have to have an income or we will all shrivel up and die (not literally, I hope). Anyway. Back to my domesticated duties.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it does feel good oddly I am enjoying housework! lol

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