Thursday, October 22, 2009

Depressed

I can tell its getting that time of year again. Cold weather, holiday hussle, and I am blah. Blah... Blah...Blah. I am not happy. No real reason to be unhappy. Maybe there are a few things I would change in my life if I wanted to put forth the effort to do so, but ultimately I am blessed and content.

My kiddos are marvelous children. They do what children do usually and are lazy, and unappreciative at times but overall they are the whole package. I don't spend near enough time with them. NOT NEAR! They are growing to damn fast. I can't slow it down. I want, I really want to, but I can't.

I feel surrounded my negativity, at work and even at home. I want to get out of the negative thoughts that I feel but I am surrounded, like a smothering heap of heavy negative things all around me.

There are things all over the place that need accomplished, that I could probably put forth the effort to accomplish but I am depressed and making the effort is like 50 times harder when I am in this mood.

I don't take anything for depression and never have because its usually seasonal, hormonal or just plain comes and goes. I don't see anything wrong with those who take a mood stabilizer but I simply don't want to take medication if nothing more than the sheer cost of them.

My speakers went out in my car, my house is a mess no matter how hard I work on it, My bank account is a joke. I should simply sign my check over to collectors lately, ever penny I make is gone before I ever even get to touch it in my hands. Its ridiculous really when you think about it. My weight is hideous. I have never weighed this much and I am sick over it. My boot (ankle injury) wearing ass is lazy and I can't seem to stay motivated (although I am trying mentally), its just not working. I think about Christmas now and say bahumbug, even though its my FAVORITE holiday. This is not a gripe session, I don't think a gripe session would help me.

I guess I will get off my ass now and quit typing this negative bullshit and cook dinner for the family because it doesn't look like it will get done if I don't. The laundry wont get done either if I don't do it. The bills wont get paid if I don't pay them... no wonder I am fucking stressed and depressed. I have too many responsibilities. La T da.

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